Easter morning and I am praying to feel renewed. This week has brought a trial of emotions and feeling alien in my own body. Not being sure what may have triggered this episode I have attempted to stay above it by staying active. While that has helped, so has my anti-anxiety sedative. Unfortunately I missed a dear friends wedding yesterday. I am hoping my absence wasn't noted and I will send my gift and letter of apology through the mail. Today is another day and I need to get off my ass and at least take a shower and prepare the kitchen for Ron to cook us a nice Easter meal. I have always been a person who eats to live, not live to eat. Therefore most meals are prepared by my husband so he can eat the way he likes. I would be happy with tuna and salad fixings most of the time, or cold cereal with soy milk. It is interesting how different I eat now that we have to keep food in the house that pleases us both. I will drink cow's milk but only from the local dairy. I use whole wheat bread because the Ezekiel bread is too expensive to have both kinds in the house. At least we agree on fruits and vegetables.
Well enough rambling about diets. I am good at changing the subject, even on myself, if I become nervous. I am concerned about whether or not I will be able to work when the time comes. With the ups and downs it is difficult seeing myself in the job atmosphere. My new psychiatrist has indicated that I should not beat myself up if I can't work and if disability is in the cards so be it. I wish I would have seen him when I first broke down. I would be on disability from my former job rather than having no income. We are blessed with Ron's jobs. His passion for music gives him the energy for a full-time position and three part-time music jobs. The music is sporadic other than the church gig, where he is music director for both a contemporary service and traditional service every Sunday. He is a good man and we put up with each other very well. lol While life is a struggle for me right now, I know I can count on him to take care of me.
Have a Blessed Spring season!
Wishing you all the renewal that comes with a new Spring. Namaste
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