Mindfulness Handout 1

Taking Hold of Your Mind:

States of Mind

Reasonable Mind + Emotional Mind = Wise Mind

Response:

Finding a balance between Reasonable and Emotional is easy for me when dealing with other person's situations or issues. However, when dealing with my own, there are times I don't realize the emotional mind has taken over until I am either spazzing or so down, I wonder why I am alive. So if you ever have to deal with me when I am down or spazzing, remind me of my reasonable mind. You may get a dirty look or a growl but in the long run I will appreciate it.

Today, my Wise Mind tells me I am blessed and live abundantly. Namaste & Blessings

Homework...

Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout I
Situations for Interpersonal Effectiveness

Attending to Relationships

• Don't let hurts and problems build up.
• Use relationship skills to head off problems
• End hopeless relationships
• Resolve conflicts before they get overwhelming

Balancing Priorities vs. Demands

• If overwhelmed, reduce or put off low-priority demands.
• Ask others for help; say no when necessary.
• If not enough to do, try to create some structure and responsibilities; offer to do things.

Balancing the Wants-to-Shoulds

• Look at what you do because you enjoy doing it and "want" to do it; and how much you do because it has to be done and you "should" do it. Try to keep the number of each in balance, even if you have to:

1. Get your opinions taken seriously.
2. Get others to do things.
3. Say no to unwanted requests.

Building mastery and self-respect

• Interact in a way that makes you feel competent and effective, not helpless and overly dependent.
• Stand up for yourself, your beliefs and opinions; follow your own wise mind.

*From Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder by Marsha Linehan. 1993 The Guilford Press

Responses:

• Too late
• What skills
• Yeah, right
• Tried that....

• If I put off any more, I won't be doing anything.
• Not sure I know how to accept help, I am good at saying "no".
• Proper sleep would help.

• What I "want" vs. "need"

1. Depends on the subject
2. I tend to hide in myself
3. I am good at saying "no".

• My back bone just isn't there right now
• I feel ungrateful and selfish

Post time: 3:40 am

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.....don't go back to sleep   -Rumi-

The difference is remarkable...

This time last year I was impassioned about blogging, facebook, and connecting with people. Now, I am just existing. I have to make myself post on either one and I struggle to find what to say. Even the inspirational posts don't speak to me like they use to. I just feel - flat. My therapist said it should pass, yet I extended it by indulging in alcohol. The concern I feel is mostly for self, hoping to feel alive again, but how? What stimuli will cause enough adrenaline in me to continue on a path of doing more then just existing? While being short of harmful to self or others?

"Set a goal" I hear. Let us see what happens with that. Whether I will challenge myself to post something on here everyday, start being more active in my posts on facebook again, or....

start riding our stationery bike
crochet more
needlepoint

We shall see....

Therapy Talk...

Susan (my therapist) suggested how important it is to do things that are meaningful. Well as you all know, I lost sight of this blog. Also, I had not done much crocheting nor helping others. About the only thing I did do was to become preoccupied with sex, which my husband enjoyed. However, we spoke of how we can fill our time with things that keep us from working on ourselves. This gives us a distraction from working on our painful truths that need to be examined in order to set them free. Yep, that is me, give me a mind numbing game and I can sit for hours to avoid life. There is also the way I text messages to friends throughout the day, in hopes of a conversation to keep me busy.

So, all in all, I have been avoiding myself by avoiding blogging. It is time to get back.

Had therapy at noon today...

It was a good day to go. We talked about how I was feeling and why. She agreed that the alcohol is a definite factor. Along with the fact that I have not been doing my homework. After ranting earlier, I reread some of the previous post, "Daily Homework". While this is not a printout that she gave me, it did remind me that I have a tendency of neglecting myself when I feel well. Hopefully I learn to find that balance between care and 'fun' or maybe release that which does not truly serve me well. Do I desire to totally give up drinking? Most of me says "yes" with just a hint of that fear of not being able. It is an acceptable social crutch that has ran it's course. I need to learn to feel comfortable enough in my own skin that if I am not comfortable in a situation, I remove myself from the situation, not take a drink.

Wish me luck. I can't hide in my cave forever.

It's been a long time....

I am feeling a bit crazy. Like I don't know what to do with myself. Every time I think about working outside the house I go out and get an application from some where and never turn it in. I am still waiting on the Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation to get me started working from home. I have been playing the stupid computer games more because I want to cut on myself, so that distracts me. Handling everyday tasks has become a challenge again as I cannot focus my anxious energies to do them. I accomplished what I needed to yesterday with help from caffeine. I guess if that works and doesn't make me more anxious, so be it.

The fact that I have indulged in alcohol I am sure has played some part in my disturbance. My husband and I so enjoy having a drink together but I just can't do it. My brain chemistry is just to changeable. The lack of exercise is most likely another culprit. How do I make up my mind that no one can help me if I am not willing to help myself? I was doing so well. Crazy happy without being manic. I just can't partake in alcohol. I must use my therapy lamp more often with the days becoming shorter and grayer. I must do what I can to help myself before anything anyone else does can effect me, either positive or negative. Reminding myself of this must happen daily. It is too easy to sink into despair when I let others drive my boat or I neglect myself to have "fun".

So maybe, just maybe, writing everyday will also help. I may not desire to share all of it, however, sharing some is helpful. Even though most of you never comment or send me emails, but I hope that I help someone know they are not alone in their struggle to stay balanced and somewhat sane.