I am feeling a bit crazy. Like I don't know what to do with myself. Every time I think about working outside the house I go out and get an application from some where and never turn it in. I am still waiting on the Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation to get me started working from home. I have been playing the stupid computer games more because I want to cut on myself, so that distracts me. Handling everyday tasks has become a challenge again as I cannot focus my anxious energies to do them. I accomplished what I needed to yesterday with help from caffeine. I guess if that works and doesn't make me more anxious, so be it.
The fact that I have indulged in alcohol I am sure has played some part in my disturbance. My husband and I so enjoy having a drink together but I just can't do it. My brain chemistry is just to changeable. The lack of exercise is most likely another culprit. How do I make up my mind that no one can help me if I am not willing to help myself? I was doing so well. Crazy happy without being manic. I just can't partake in alcohol. I must use my therapy lamp more often with the days becoming shorter and grayer. I must do what I can to help myself before anything anyone else does can effect me, either positive or negative. Reminding myself of this must happen daily. It is too easy to sink into despair when I let others drive my boat or I neglect myself to have "fun".
So maybe, just maybe, writing everyday will also help. I may not desire to share all of it, however, sharing some is helpful. Even though most of you never comment or send me emails, but I hope that I help someone know they are not alone in their struggle to stay balanced and somewhat sane.
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