Situations for Interpersonal Effectiveness
Attending to Relationships
- Don't let hurts and problems build up.
- Use relationship skills to head off problems
- End hopeless relationships
- Resolve conflicts before they get overwhelming
Balancing Priorities vs. Demands
- If overwhelmed, reduce or put off low-priority demands.
- Ask others for help; say no when necessary.
- If not enough to do, try to create some structure and responsibilities; offer to do things.
Balancing the Wants-to-Shoulds
- Look at what you do because you enjoy doing it and "want" to do it; and how much you do because it has to be done and you "should" do it. Try to keep the number of each in balance, even if you have to:
- Get your opinions taken seriously.
- Get others to do things.
- Say no to unwanted requests.
Building mastery and self-respect
- Interact in a way that makes you feel competent and effective, not helpless and overly dependent.
- Stand up for yourself, your beliefs and opinions; follow your own wise mind.
*From Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder by Marsha Linehan. 1993 The Guilford Press
Responses:
- Too late
- What skills
- Yeah, right
- Tried that....
- If I put off any more, I won't be doing anything.
- Not sure I know how to accept help, I am good at saying "no".
- Proper sleep would help.
- What I "want" vs. "need"
- Depends on the subject
- I tend to hide in myself
- I am good at saying "no".
- My back bone just isn't there right now
- I feel ungrateful and selfish
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