Finished...

I am forcing my brain to work just a little more to let you know that I made it through. I survived all my testing for the Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation. It is now 6:30 p.m. Ohio, USA time. The testing was complete around noon today. Then we discussed the next step in the process of helping me return to work. While I found the testing to be wonderfully challenging, I am most tired. This afternoon there was nothing left of me. I did not want to hear or work on the computer. I did not want to hear the television or read, so I slept. Now, after dinner, and Ron has gone to church for band practice. That is, his contemporary church band has rehearsal.

There is a point in my tiredness that concerns me. I fatigue and become distracted to the point that the thought of one more voice tenses me. The thought of my husband's touch causes my stomach to knot. The desire to be left alone is so strong that wish I lived alone. I am there now.

One of the things I had told my husband when I was working full time, is that there is not enough of me to work, take care of our home, and have a social life with him. When all collided together then I didn't have, didn't want any of it, basically, didn't want to live. Now I am gonna try again. The testing shows I have the smarts to handle a number of jobs. I kept saying that I knew that wasn't the problem. The problem is putting up with people who hate their own lives and try to make everyone else miserable also. The least little bit of stress causes panic. Just keep breathing, just keep breathing. I have to remind myself, "This is not brain surgery. No one is going to die even if they may be acting like it."

Wish me success....