I saw my psychiatrist today. He is pleased with my victories over flashbacks and triggers. One of the examples I gave was; when Ron and I were getting into the car Ron bumped his head and yelped in pain. The sound of his voice triggered a flashback of someone getting beaten. Panic raced through my entire being as I shouted, "What happened?" He calmly said he bumped his head. I, with panic still racing, asked if he was OK and he reassured me he was. I made myself focus on that moment I was in right then. Breathing deep and telling myself all was fine, I was fine, Ron was fine, the panic slowly left my body and within a few minutes I was only feeling a minor amount of the residual panic. Each time I make myself do this, the easier it gets.
When I told Doc that I will be hearing about work this Wednesday he was pleased for me. The fact that I seem enthused and eager to work says a lot about how far I have come. I truly am excited, hoping and trusting that the Universe will supply just the right job to meet all my needs. More on that Wednesday evening.
Doc reassured me that it was reasonable that I felt invalidated when ever Ron responds to me saying something with, "That's the PTSD talking." I told him I was concerned that he would invalidate any thing I might decide is important. So at lunch today I asked Ron to not state it that way, even if that is what he believes. Ron sounded like he agreed with it and said he didn't realize he sounded so negative. I am also concerned that he only takes my "illness" seriously and not me. I have to be more confident and speak up when something feels wrong.
The office is a half mile from my home, so I walked today. I didn't time myself getting there, but I did coming back. I walked a half mile in 15 minutes. Not too bad. I shall do it more often. Good exercise and great weather lately. Thanks for stopping in to hear me ramble. Namaste
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