more ramblings...

Seeing Doc went well. He showed his concern about drinking alcohol by asking how it made me feel. I reinforced the fact that if I start drinking when I am anxious that I will only become more anxious. That is exactly what happened. I did not relax and have a better time. It did not make me more tolerable of all the drunk people around me, it only caused me to be more irritated by them, including my husband. He has suggested I meet with his female colleague for therapy since my current therapist is changing jobs. We did not change any medications this visit in order to allow me to recover from my most active month. We also discussed the upcoming vocational assessments and he said to not allow myself to worry and not to "put on the face of happiness" for them, but to be totally myself in order for their time to be most effective for me. When he asked if I was depressed I indicated my belief in the fact that I am exhausted from keeping the smile on all month and now I just need to rest. He seemed to understand that. That is when he asked of upcoming events that might be stressful and we spoke of vocational assessments. Talking of my son's choices and how my husband is handling my issues was brief yet important for him to know how my day to day stress is. It is hard to be your spouse's best friend when they need to vent about negative things in their life. I desire to be there for him yet at times I cannot deal with the anxiety it causes him, but I try. Maybe being a wife is all the full time job I can handle. I am curious to find out cause I do lousy here at times. Right now the laundry and kitchen both need tending to, as well as the cat box. Might should get off my ass and do something...