Something I had written in 2000....

My Truth

I am currently not feeling a need for religion.  I believe in Jesus, however, I also believe He lived as a human being.  Therefore, He got drunk with the disciples and made love with Mary Magdalene.  If He had not experienced these thinks as a human, how could He ever say He truly understands our temptations?  The light from within us does not come from scrutinizing one another’s lives, but from simply accepting life on life’s terms and allowing the Light, the Love, the Being, to love us, therefore, loving ourselves.  You wonder how I could think that Jesus would or could do such a thing.  Making love is a beautiful gift from the Ultimate Love.  I didn’t say He violated her or humiliated her or demeaned her in any way.  He made love to her and for the first time in her life she realized it as a beautiful experience, an extension of herself, her self-love, and Love.

How can I say this, because I am Mary Magdalene?  I have never been paid for it, but up until about four years ago, it was rarely beautiful.  It was a physical act for physical pleasure, a way to escape reality.  It was my total self-worth.  If I couldn’t connect with you sexually, I didn’t feel of value.  Everything else in life was duty, not a response to Love.  Work, children, husband, and home, it all was what was expected of me.  So I went through the motions, thinking maybe I would find joy in them, but I had no true Light.  Just artificial light, religion flowed through my mechanical self, doing what was expected of me.  I did find joy in my sons, for a time.  Then the haunting of my self-worth indicator (sex) took over again.  My self-worth, of course, went to an all time low.  But today, making love with a friend is an extension of my Love for them.  It is not my self-worth, just an extension of self-love.  As long as we act in caring, respectful, honest ways toward one another, it is not a violation of self and therefore not wrong for me, for my lover, not against God.

Blasphemy! You say.  Why, because I feel and have more peace and joy in my heart, mind, and body than ever before?  Because the threat of mental instability has dissipated, no longer lingering, taunting me that I am not loved nor worthy of love?

Lord, have mercy!  Am I not only worthy of Love, I am Love.  I am part of God Almighty, made in His image and likeness, filled with His Holy Spirit!!  This was not made Truth to me until I was able to accept the fact that I am a sexual creature.  “Own it or it will own you!” was once quoted to me.

I am not saying this Truth is right for you, but don’t judge me by it, but by the fruit I bare.